Suspect Purchase

Why would a small municipality need three of these?

The Crystal Ball

Regular drinks at Bopp's with the lick her commissioner nets a City Council seat.  Cradling a few balls lets you get the city to pay for your benefits that do nothing for the community, but keep your salary up there and your kids at the trough.  Another fine use of tax payer dollars.

Specials friends allowed open burn

Sunday, September 25, 2011 at 9 am

That Burning Ring of Fire

Nauseation with wallet biopsy

A patient had no complaints of 'nauseation' on Thursday, September 22, 2011 following an 8:41 am two motor vehicle accident.  Too bad the medical linguist didn't remember the criteria for use of a trauma center or relate it was a 50 mph head on collision with extrication.  After a local wallet biopsy, the patient was found to have a broken neck and got to pay for a helicopter flight.

Food Bank Opens

New Harvard Food Bank

New food bank to feature wider than normal parking spaces to accommodate Escalades and luxury vehicles safely.

New Radio Technique

Police are now using a technique popular in Mexico. In lieu of intelligible radio transmissions, the microphone is rubbed against ones anatomy to create a scratching sound.

Valley High Drool Fest

Local long term care facility to sponsor Drool Fest.  Described as a way to promote local bloggers, Drool Fest is an annual event and forum for local politicians.

A local blogger and consipiracy theorist has agreed to speak on the use of sensual urinals by persons convicted of sex offenses.  In his presentation "I don't mind living with a child molester," Russ Pisspot will present sensual urinals designed to be functional and stimulating.

Timmy Gets a Break

Timmy would like to thank his fire buddies for their interventions to get a break most would never receive.  Am sure he has special thanks for Chief Lead Foot.

New Highway Comes to Harvard

Highway Route 114 comes to Harvard.  Without fanfare or announcements, Highway 114 opened at about 4:21 pm on Friday, September 16, 2011.  The ribbon cutting was done by Harvard's ace dispatcher after she found the announcement under the take out menus and her lost Nextel.  It is good to see decades of incompetence prevail.

Fat Dancing

Loud mouth attorney and self proclaimed "Fat Mom" runs her mouth and speculates in her attempts to influence juries on her "news" program.  Popular amongst those with minimal education, food addictions and couche sitting, Nancy Grace has attempted to swing her exceptionally large ass on Dancing with the Stars.  This loser will do most anything for publicity and ratings.  Perhaps her next event will be with Jenny Craig.